I feel like I'm surrounded by magical fairy dust lately. Like there are mini, tinsel covered angels whispering about girls, ideas, colours, and spectrums into my gently stretched ears. I also feel like there is a little gnome man standing on a bridge just out of my sight, guiding all kinds of wonderful new friends my way. Pastel eh? Not quite...well, maybe a little. I walk this line of porn, and divinity white on a daily basis, and it's very interesting to say the least. I feel charged, and creative...to tears almost. Bursting with excitement, and lustful passion with everything I touch. Human, camera, whatever. Once in awhile, I get kinda ranty, and have to barf all my internal thoughts all over the internet. Call it therapeutic. I guess I just like to throw my head out into the world, and see if anyone understands. Anyone? Anyone? Whatevs.
Now maybe it's just my own ego, but I feel like something special has been happening lately. Like I am seeing the beauty in others more clearly, and becoming very fused to them when we spend time together. I constantly feel like everyone around me is "getting it", this secret flow of streaming energy that is painted neon, and lights up dark rooms, and small spaces. I don't think I'm seeing things. I really think it exists.
My dad just called. He repeated everything I just wrote. Weird. The Wizard of Awes.
I kinda hate to put the word "photography" on any of this, since I think it's just a blanket term, and I didn't even really want to go there vocally because I am very closed about it, really. It's like having people read my diary...and the only truly successful shoots are when we just hang...quietly. Everything else, done any other way, is absolute bullshit to me. (whether other people think it's kinda cool or not, is irrelivent...I generally hate it, and rarely look back on any of it, because it just works me all up, and gets me negative.) I think I'm going to be one of those diva artists who now says "If you want my product, it will be on my terms...which means, get the fuck outta here, and just leave me with the girl. See you in 4 hours." I don't feel like the "normal" way works for me, and I hate how other people just do it like machines, as if there is no other way. It shows, dude. No fancy PS skillz, or expert makeup crews, teams of people, or the motivation of fame and fortune will EVER make me completely happy with the outcome. I couldn't care less. It's all too personal to me, and I will no longer pump out shit to satisfy the demands of others. I would rather handpick my girls outta the heavens, or have them divinely find their way to me, bring them into Kalven and I's new world, and do things properly. Wow. Just saying that feels so good.
I wanna pick toy cars outta the sandbox with you again, Nana. Come see me tonight. We need to talk.
Hey guys, do me a favor today...do something really nice for yourself. Get centered, and dream. This race is all just an illusion.
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